Although most of us wouldn’t admit it, every worship leader has been super-frustrated with their pastor at some point. You know...those times when your pastor doesn’t see eye-to-eye with you.
Unfortunately, we are bound to disagree at some point - that’s just the beauty of being human. So, what’s the best way to settle a disagreement?
Currently, my pastor is also my dad. As you can imagine, this adds even more dynamic to the situation. Not to mention the fact that we are both classified as having choleric personalities, which basically means that we are ‘my way is best' and 'I will just do it myself’ type of people.
Due to our personality similarities, we often clash.
The most frustrating time for me is when he gives me specifics on what I should do, when it comes to processes and procedures. Like I said earlier, this comes out of his personality of ‘my way is best’, which I can closely relate to.
For example, we are planning to add a second service to our Sunday schedule, and he wanted me to have a separate worship team for each service. His motive behind this was to keep me from getting burned out.
However, in my eyes, this means double the rehearsal and planning time, because I now have to have two separate rehearsals for each team and plan a different set for each one as well. So, more time involved actually equals quicker burn-out.
You have never experienced true submission until you do something you don’t want to, without an attitude. Tweet Quote
How did we solve this? Well, it comes down to this - God has called us to respect our leaders. Even if you think you have a better idea, it is good for you to learn to submit anyways.
Actually, you have never experienced true submission until you do something you don’t want to, without an attitude.
After expressing my view, he still wanted to carry out his idea. So, after getting over myself, I figured out that it really wasn’t that big of a deal.
If it doesn’t work, then we will just change it - and if it does work, I will have been introduced to something beyond my own level of thinking. Either way, what is the big deal in trying something? Yeah, there isn’t one.
Moral of the story? You should always be a good communicator with your leader, but not a top-class arguer. Express your view, but if they still want to go about it their way, then it is to your best interest to submit.
I spent years of my life intimidated by my dad, and therefore, I wouldn’t confront issues. I am now learning to pursue the conversations that are worth having, and letting go the small issues that don’t even matter. Take your frustrations to God in prayer, and He will show you exactly what you need to do.
My dad is also my pastor you hit the nail on the head communication is key. I have learned that if I do not communicate with him then we have problems. But also for many of us that are in this situation which I do believe there is a lot of us we also have to realize that not only is he or she is our parent but out pastor. Also I have learned if I approach as my pastor at church it keeps things in the right perspective. We tend to think we have more ability to challenge a decision when it is our dad then our pastor. Again communication is key to any relationship.
A great article and I much appreciate the advice on dealing with normal frustrations in a God-honoring way. Submission is only possible with the grace I The Lord Jesus. If we try to do it ourselves we end up frustrated and bitter. I learned that the hard way.
Your article reminded me that I must approach these issues in the love and grace of the LORD while making sure to share my thoughts without outing expectations on my St. Pastor to accept them. Also, I've learned that there are more ways than my way to "skin a cat." (Accomplish a task).
Thanks again and I'm grateful for your blog!
Sincerely in Jesus,
Jay, a fellow worship leader (20+ years)
My dad is also my senior pastor, and he is the same personality type as you and your father. It can be difficult at times. But sometimes it works out really well being family because we're on the same page (a majority of the time).
Great topic Kade. We don’t learn obedience until we have to do something we don’t want to do. It’s not submission unless it’s against our will.
Thanks for sharing your growth with us!
Thanks, Richard. It was a tough lesson to learn, no doubt. But thankfully, I went through a class in Bible school called 'submission and authority'. Funny thing is, you think you are giving up something when you submit to authority when you don't agree, but the only thing you are giving up is your peace.
So good and so right on, Kade! I have been in a season of this and coming through it, knowing that I must continue to submit and do my absolute best regardless of if it’s the way I think it should be done. I think for me, the hardest places to submit, are in areas that specifically apply to music and musicianship. My pastor is not a musician and doesn’t even listen to worship music very much or even the radio. He is turning 60 this month, and he tends to think that the vast majority of the church still thinks like he does. He planted the church nearly 23 years ago so this runs deep. It’s his ‘baby’ even though he knows it’s Jesus’ church. So, in his mind, if it’s hard for him to learn a new song, then it must be hard for everyone to learn a new song, so I constantly feel the reigns being pulled back on me, for his sake, when in actuality, the congregation is ready to go faster with newer songs.
So, I respectfully share my heart and continue to submit, and let the Lord work!
Definitely a tough situation, Derin. But you are doing the right thing! And it will pay off.
Awesome post. Tough spot you are in with your dad as boss, leader, pastor. My father in law is my pastor and boss so I know how you feel…